Luke 9:54 When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from Heaven to destroy them?
Aggressive people are those who cannot control their emotions but bully verbally or become violent in their reaction. Aggression or passive-aggression is only a reaction to intense emotional pain or ignorance to manage frustration. Passive-aggressive behaviour is indirect retaliation or expression of negative feelings. Constant irritability, criticism, withdrawal, procrastination, hostility and stubbornness are signs of passive-aggressive behaviours. Passive-aggressive people are quick to blame others for their problems and swift to make judgments. Self analysis, correction or rectification are absent in such people.
The recruits of Jesus were a varied bunch. He had impetuous Peter who was aggressive in his approach; Doubting Didymus (Thomas); the brothers John and James, also called the “Sons of Thunder” and the others who were flaccid followers in His team. Jesus and His disciples were refused accommodation at an AirBnB in Samaria. Samarians were half-breeds who had intermarried the Assyrian veterans. Jews normally skirted around Samaria and avoided any contact or conversation with the Samarians. Hence their stay would have helped to tout the advertisement of the motor lodged. James and John were insulted by the refusal at the Samarian motel and wanted to call holy fire to consume them! Jesus rebuked their impulsive reaction. But Jesus turned and rebuked them (James & John) (Luke 9:55).
Dealing with aggression or passive-aggressive behaviours:
- Annoyance: Aggressive or passive-aggressive people try to push their way by irritation and intimidation. The more we give-in to such behaviour, the more aggressive they would become. Reacting to the irritation feeds aggression. Being assertive and calm will smother irritation. Proverbs 15:1 A gentle response diverts anger, but a harsh statement incites fury. Our inaction to the irritation will make room for rational cognitive reflection. Calm response triggers cognitive reflection.
- Abrasive: Aggressive people get what they want by abrasive, insinuating and raspy behaviour. Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him (Proverbs 26:4). Arguing with an angry and abrasive person will lower us down to their level. So the Bible teaches us not to stoop down and get into an squabble to prove them wrong. However, the very next verse says, Instead, if you’re asked a silly question, answer it with words of wisdom so the fool doesn’t think he’s so clever (Proverbs 26:5-TPT). The Word of God advises us to challenge the foolish argument and not to be abusive or rude. Leave them with open ended wise questions to ruminate. Challenge, don’t condemn aggressive behaviour.
- Infuriation: Anger tantrums is a typical reaction of aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour. They would do or not do something to irritate and infuriate us. The tantrums are aimed to tune us to dance to their whims and fancies. Rebuke the behaviour don’t retaliate or ostracize the person. Their behaviour is like this to draw attention to themselves. Ignore the intention and address the reaction. Rebuke, don’t retaliate.
Aggressive and passive-aggressive behavior is caused by unbearable, unmanageable emotional pain. Acceptance is the antidote not rejection or retribution.
Proverb 15:1 Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another. Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse (TPT).
Prayer: Father of Grace, You rebuke and reprimand me in love. As you have never given up on me, may I be patient, loving, kind and tender even to the aggressive or passive-aggressive people and free them gently out of the bondage of their anger. Amen.
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