Luke 18:18 And a certain ruler asked Him, saying, “Good Master”.
“Manipulators” are another set of difficult people who play on exaggeration and emotions. Manipulators exercise forceful and harmful influence on others and would take advantage to gain power, control, benefits or privileges at the expense of the victim. The common tools that manipulators use are guilt, comparison, complaining, lying, innocence, blame and mind games. They would know our weaknesses, understand our insecurities and use it against us. Manipulation is a habit learnt during the formative years. The child who is seldom corrected or disciplined could grow up to be a manipulator. It is the “toddlers tantrum” that matures into manipulation which twinges and tampers the emotions of others to gain control. Manipulators are moody adults in diapers.
Jesus teaches us to handle this unpredictable difficult group of people. There was a Rich Ruler who came to Jesus and addressed Him as “Good Master”. Jesus stopped the conversation and did not budge into his sweet-talk. Jesus answered “No one is good—except God alone (Luke 18:19b). Then the Ruler goes on to flaunting about his lawful and legalistic living but he could not fool Jesus with his boasting. Jesus tested his truthfulness with a simple law that he was bragging about, but the Ruler receded remorsefully. Others can gain control over our lives only to the extent we allow them to. Controlling others is the cornerstone of dysfunctional families, friends and fellowships – David W Earle. Manipulators might not have wicked or wrong intentions but they certainly intend to gain control, dictate and influence.
Three common traits of “Manipulators”:
- Flatter: Manipulators yank emotionally. They flatter to get into our good books. Love, compassion and integrity are action words expressed in deeds and not just in words. A person who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for him to step into (Proverbs 29:5). If Jesus had not stopped the Rich Ruler he would have continued flattering. A person who esteems us will prove and profess our worth and value in our absence. The one who flatters has insidious motives. Don’t budge for flattery.
- Flaunt: Manipulators are boasters. Let other people praise you–even strangers; never do it yourself (Proverbs 27:2). Manipulators flaunt about their industrious initiatives, innocence and intelligence to impress. The Rich Ruler’s boasting about his righteous living did not impress Jesus. Jesus tested his uprightness and instructed him to donate his wealth to the poor and to follow Him. When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy (Luke 12:23). Don’t tolerate flaunting.
- Frown: Manipulators are moody. They try to take control by ostracizing, ignoring and shunning. The main motive of the melancholy is to draw attention, guilt trip and guilt trap others. Cold-shoulder strikes are common for manipulators. They manipulate the emotions of others by gloomy, depressed and sulky mood swings. There are homes that are run by morose teenagers, moody spouses or controlling parents. Manipulation is a contagious disease, much more infectious than COVID. The sadness of the rich ruler did not change the standard of Jesus. He did not say, deposit the gold in the bank and follow me. Don’t be maneuvered by moodiness.
Manipulators muster control by exaggeration and emotional exploitation with the psychological weaponry of guilt, sympathy and blame. Beware of manipulators.
Proverbs 12:23 Prudent people don’t flaunt their knowledge; talkative fools broadcast their silliness (MSG).
Prayer: Dear Jesus, teach me to resist the emotional manipulation with the spiritual muscle of insightfulness. Make me emotionally strong, sturdy and sensible. Amen.
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