Luke 22:62 Peter left the courtyard, weeping bitterly
What do you do when you are disappointed with yourself? How do you handle unexpected failure in spite of trying hard? Unresolved disappointment with others turns into bitterness and unsettled disappointment with ourselves turns into self-hate. We can never love God or others until we love ourselves. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Luke 10:27b). “Depression begins with disappointment. When disappointment festers the soul, it leads to discouragement” – Joyce Meyer. At times it is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves.
While all the disciples were sunk in deep sorrow at the death of Jesus, Peter was swallowed by disappointment with himself. He was shattered by his brutal betrayal not once but three times! Peter denied Jesus to women twice. Women were marginalized during Biblical times and the words of women were of no value. Peter’s disappointment doubled that he denied Jesus to servant girls, twice! Third time he was stumped by a group and he started cursing and swearing that he did not know Jesus. Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” (Matthew 26:74). After lethally denying Jesus, Peter drowned himself in disappointment and dissuasion.
There are times when we are thoroughly disappointed with ourselves and beat ourselves for our own decisions and stupor. Dwelling in self inflicted pain can push us into self-denial and depression.
Break-free from self-hate:
1. Silly: The first thing to remember when you are disappointed with yourself is that God is not disappointed with you. Don’t discern the thoughts of God through human understanding. Our silly mistakes and insane messes do not disappoint God. Jesus was not upset with Peter. It was Peter who was disgusted with his behaviour. We can never fall too deep for God’s hand to reach us. We can never mess too badly that He cannot fix it. God is not mad at you.
- Stupor: The spirit of stupor that overtook us was not a shock to God. In fact, Jesus prepared Peter for failure but Peter refused to accept or work on his weakness. Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you.” (Matthew 26:35). We construe that God was shocked with our behaviour, choices, reactions or decisions but He was not. He sees it coming and tries to coach us. It is our own pride that stops us from working on our weaknesses. God is not shocked at your blunder.
- Surprise: God’s restoration plan is mind boggling and beyond human comprehension. There is nothing too complicated for the Lord to decipher. Remember your mess doesn’t change God’s plan for you. The cursing and swearing of Peter did not demote him from God’s plan. There is an unbelievable surprise waiting for those who are willing to relent, repent and return back to Christ. Our God is the Lord of pleasant surprises.
When you are disgusted with yourself, come back to God. He loves you more than you love yourself.
Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love”.
Prayer: Dear Jesus, give me the Grace to tuck behind your garment and bury my face in your hands when I fail and fall. Amen.
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