1 Corinthians 6:5-6 I say this to shame you. Is it possible that no one among you is wise enough to judge matters between believers? Instead, one believer goes to court against another. And this happens in front of unbelievers!
‘Undo’ is one of the most used functions on a computer. This function is performed to reverse an earlier action. Shame wants to undo the past, revisit and redo or renovate the mistakes. Shame is a powerful driving force of the soul however, there is “healthy shame” and “toxic shame”. Distinguishing between the two will help us grow holistically or be grounded with stigma. “Healthy shame is an emotion that teaches us about our limits.” – John Bradshaw. Healthy shame helps us to draw our boundaries and raise our standards. On the other hand, “Toxic shame”is the belief that one is inherently bad, defective, different, or unlovable. “Toxic shame is not just a belief that one does bad things, it is a deeply held core belief that one is bad.”— Robert A. Glover.
The Apostle Paul spoke about a healthy shame to the church of Corinth. One believer had filed a court case against another for some silly personal or property dispute. He condemned the strife within the church and rebuked them to reassess their spiritual standards. Healthy shame is short lived and is temporary. Healthy shame is a spiritual shock to awaken the soul that is slipping away into worldly standards. On the contrary, toxic shame is self-condemning and destructive. Dr. Marc Lewis explains the core of all addiction is shame. It could be cocaine, Coca Cola or chocolate cake. Addiction is a temporary relief to a toxic shame. “Food Guilt: “I ate something bad”; Food Shame: “I’m a bad person for eating something bad” – Brené Brown. Toxic shame debilitates and damages the soul.
Healthy shame builds while toxic shame breaks:
1. Renounce: Healthy shame will convict us about a click, slip or sip. Healthy shame is an essential emotion to repent, renounce our wrongdoing and renew our covenant with the Lord. Whereas toxic shame pronounces the verdict that we are doomed and damned sinners beyond redemption. Receive correction from healthy shame and renounce toxic shame.
2. Resuscitate: Healthy shame marks the decline from the godly standards in order to resuscitate us back to a healthy spiritual life. On the contrary, toxic shame suffocates us with the stigma that we don’t measure up to the standards of the church, community or our comrades. Healthy shame marks the Bible as the measure of approval but toxic shame marks the need of acceptance by people as the standard of validation. Healthy shame resuscitates but unhealthy shame suffocates.
- Refuse: Healthy shame will refuse to take refuge under food, drugs, drinks, work or hobbies. Healthy shame is a temporary discomfort to reset our mindset. Conversely toxic shame drives people to drown in substance or self-harming habits to be in a state of emotional amnesia. Refuse temporary relief and press towards overcoming shame and stigma permanently.
Shame and stigma debilitates the soul from futuristic vision and purpose. Break free from the prison of shame and the incarceration of stigma.
Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.
Prayer: Jesus My Redeemer, teach me to set boundaries with healthy shame and heal from toxic stigma that incapacitates me. Amen.
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